American Reality for Indian Wife

H4, for those who aren't a part of the 'H' world, is the visa type which is given to dependants (typically spouse, parents, kids) of people working in the USA on an H1-B (Skilled Worker) Visa. With the tide of young computer consultants flowing into USA from India, there is no denying the abundance of IT labour workforce. Since most of them are in their mid 20's to early 30's, they are in the just-married or about-to-get-married phase. This article is for those who have been awarded the H4, are in India or USA, those who will be getting their spouse to USA on H4 and for everyone who knows anyone on H4.

Marriage is a very exciting phase in one's life. It signifies a new life, a different lifestyle, a new partner, romance and is full of red roses floating all around with little heart-shaped bows tied to them. Indeed, it is beautiful. Having someone to share the rest of your life is a very special feeling and it is well comprehended by those who have already embarked on this journey. However, it is hard to see too far beyond marriage. One tends to take life as it comes, but here I want to prove that in case of H4, it is imperative to plan ahead.

Before coming to America, I had an extremely rosy picture about the life here. Ofcourse its easy to blame the media and Hollywood movies, but mostly it was the image that we, as individuals, have in our minds about the life and culture of the Americans. America has been portrayed as a very glamorous nation with a very high standard of living and incredibly swank lifestyle.

It is true to a certain extent, but I consider these to be the frills of life, and after a while they shallow out. What remains for a girl is a life of CVLD (Cooking-Vacuuming-Laundry-Dishes) with occasional Ironing. With the husband leaving for work from 9 to 5 (ideally ofcourse) the wife is left behind at home to manage the house and kids. "So, what's new in that?", you would ask, "Women have been doing that since generations. My mother did this and my grandmother was a housewife too". The difference is that here she is not a housewife by choice. Its when talented, qualified and career-oriented women are forced to become housewives, that there is a problem. Going from having a full-time professional career to stay-at-home housewife, is like a sudden halt, and you'd think that this is the 21st century.

There's more to it than just complaining about house work. Being in USA can be lonely, unless you live in the heart of a city like Manhattan Downtown or are surrounded by Indians like in New Jersey. Most of us aren't that fortunate. I have spent so many days where I haven't spoken to a single person, other than my husband in those 24 hours, who by the way has been of tremendous help and supported me through all this.

America is a vast country, with the main mode of transportation being a car. Unless you have a car or know how to drive, you cannot commute. Sometimes the nearest grocery store is around 3 miles (6 kms) away. Here's an important tip for you, if you are in India, are coming to USA on an H4 and are going to stay in a city where there is a dearth of public transportation: Get your IDP (International Driving Permit) done from India. It's relatively easy to apply for it at RTO and once you have it, you can drive or rent cars here. Once you get to USA, take lessons and register for the driving test. It makes a big difference!

Expenses also become a concern here, maybe because suddenly you feel like a responsible adult or maybe because everything is just so damn costly. One wouldn't want to go shopping everyday or join an activity workshop costing $$$. That limits the choices one has. That constricts the domain of activities one can do during the day, eventually leading to 8 straight hours of watching TV.

When I came to USA, I was very happy with the change. In contrast to the hectic round-the-clock routine back in India, I had all the time in the world to catch up on the things I loved doing - reading, watching movies, lounging around listening to music, embroidery and so on. I relished every moment of it. I even started cooking full-time (believe-it-or-not) and enthusiastically looked up recipes online, most of which turned out alright (I think). I am now adroit at fixing an Indian meal (roti-dal-sabzi-chawal) in 20 mins... aha, beat that Pizza Hut !!

It was 3 months later that I felt stagnant. I wanted to get back to work. That's when the next tsunami hit me, H1-B Visa! Another problem with being on H4 is that it's getting increasingly difficult to convert to an H1B (work) visa. Unless your husband already has a green card, you will have to stand in line for the H1B applications... and that's when life becomes another wreck. There is a quota of 65,000 H1B visas per year. Applications start on April 1st and processing starts on October 1st. In 2005 this quota got filled up a month and half before processing would start, on Aug 10th. In 2006, it was May 25th and this year, 2007, on the first day itself, with over one lac applicants!!! Click here to read more about this.

Despite having a degree from India, work experience in the field, company sponsorship and a will to work, it's eventually fate which decides whether you get to work from October or have to want another year and a half. If you get lucky and get your H1B petition approved, don't hurraay yet, there are a few more monsters lurking around the corner. Getting your SSN is just one of them which may take upto 3 months (or more). Again, while you may think you are now ready to face the music of work-life, for those who work for consulting companies, it may mean staying on bench and keep hunting for projects.

My pessimistic tone and immeasurable frustration may surprise some, but its this two-year journey which has led me to this state. The idea of writing this article was not to accumulate self-pity or win accolades for pouring my heart out, but to connect to those in a similar state who can relate to this situation and spread awareness among those who may be joining this bandwagon.

However, I must stress that I don't regret my time spent here, not one minute. I have learnt to take life with a pinch of salt and not to take things too seriously.

Life is too short for that.